April 2018 - Struggling & Feeling Project Burn Out
It’s April. Now What?
14 months into the project, and truthfully I’m feeling tired and burnt out. This isn’t good. I’m actually having thoughts of abandoning the project. It doesn’t help that I am having chronic back pain. A visit to the doctor confirms I have some compressed discs in my spine. All the stooping, bending and circus-sideshow contorting is not helping. I actually pushed myself too hard cleaning up the woods next to my house in early March which sent me over the edge. I guess it is “par for the course” for a man of my age and habits. Sometimes it is so bad; I can hardly walk without winching in excruciating pain. It isn’t getting any better. I’m almost 55 years old and I reflect often on the old saying “youth is wasted on the young.” I’m getting depressed.
This Vintage BMW is a Second Job
I have been pounding away on this project with reckless abandon for 15 straight months. Every spare moment of my week, out in the garage. Two to three days per week averaging 8 – 10 hours per day. It’s definitely an obsession. It is like I have a second job as a body shop guy. My day job is IT project manager and by night … amateur body man! Plus I carry my weight around the house taking care of the usual litany of endless tasks it takes to run a household. This rusty old BMW is also a jealous mistress and my wife sometimes resents it. I am grateful though that my “better half” is very supportive. Many married guys I know get far less understanding from their significant others in these situations. Count your blessings.
Neglecting my Other Vintage BMW
Oh yea, I have a 1969 2002 in the garage. I sense it resents the 66 coupe as well. My late father’s one owner 2002 he restored in 1991. It needs some maintenance, but I keep putting it off. I skipped attending the Vintage BMW gathering in North Carolina and/or Octoberfest in Pittsburg this year because I simply didn’t have time to sort out the car for the long trip. Feeling guilty about that. This is why I don’t understand how guys can have 3 or more vintage cars and stay on top of them. They all cry out for attention. Yea, yea. Change up. Work on one and then the other.
Help me, I Think I’m Drowning
I didn’t think it would come to this. Why is this happening? It’s all between the ears bucko (gestures to temple with forefinger). I look at the car and it still looks like a broken down rusted pile of shit, except with nice rockers. Rockers are vital, but just standing there looking at the car, the rockers are seemingly benign. You really don’t notice them. They sit so low down there at ankle level and everything. Innocuous looking narrow strips easily overlooked. All this time, and it just feels like I’m not really getting too far. Of course I know that’s not true, but the visuals are deceptive. In fact much of the work completed is for the pillar bases and middle/inner rockers which are now concealed by the outer rocker skins. Alas, all the charismatic public facing panels have been stripped, but still have rust in areas and just look horrible.
Muddling Forward (What Was I Thinking?)
Spring has been slow to arrive. Still cold outside. So damn tired of the cold. Nonetheless here in April, I start to tackle removing the seat bottom sheet metal configurations front and back. Sheet metal artfully and deceptively welded with multifaceted bracing assembled with tender loving care in Osnabrück roughly around the time the Beatles released their LP “Revolver”. The ultimate goal is to replace the totally rusted out floors. All of this carefully fabricated Karmann craftsmanship has to come out.
Part of me realizes I don’t really have a solid plan. I’m just sort of aimlessly wading into the process which requires drilling out lots of spot welds amidst nothing but rust. Endless rows of spot welds. Row after row. Rust, rust, and more rust. It just seems like once I conquer one mountain ridge, there are countless others on the horizon. I can’t even bear to look at the under carriage rusted morass. My back is aching.
Don’t even ask me about the mechanical aspects. I have been so mired in doing body work for so long; I ask myself will I even remember how to sort the electrical, engine, running gear, brakes. It’s all piling up in my mind. I almost get panicked at times. Lately I have been muttering to myself “what the hell were you thinking?”
Feeling Rushed, Getting Sloppy
My work is heading towards careless and being rushed. I reflect back when I was a kid and my mom would buy me plastic models to assemble. You know those Monogram or Revell brand kits where you put the whole thing together and paint it. I would attempt build the whole thing in one evening. My dad would lecture me about taking my time. “No, gotta get it done! Now!” There I was under the warm light, inhaling Testor’s model glue fumes, dried glue stuck to my fingertips, finger print impressions on the miniature plastic windshield of a 1:32 scale 1935 SJ LaGrande Dual-Cowl Phaeton. Front axle askew, brushed paint strokes on the finish, mirror falling off, didn’t bother installing the drive shaft (who’s going to look underneath?). So, with this full sized 2000c I realize my head isn’t in the game. Help me, I think I’m drowning (Joni Mitchell song comes to mind). I throw up my hands, close the door and I walk away.
I’ve been here before. The last time was during the marathon block sanding session on the BMW 2002 I restored about 5 years prior. As I remember I spent 400 hours blocking that car. Yes, that’s a lot of time because I was learning and making mistakes and having to re-do things. Nonetheless, I got to the point where I hated going out to the garage. My mentor, an old “salt” auto body pro at “Refinish Solutions” in Stafford, Virginia (now “Finish Master”) advised me to close the garage door and take a break. I did. It worked.
Honey Badger Don’t Care
A friend shared that I am the “honey badger of auto DIY”. At first I didn’t know how to take that until I read up on honey badgers. They are brazen and reckless little mammals with teeth and claws that risk death to eat venomous snakes or honey in a hive of stinging bees. They’ve even been known to stand their ground against much larger apex predators like lions, and actually win. Crazy, but that actually makes me feel kind of validated. I found a nifty artistic image “honey badger don’t care” and printed it. I framed it and have it displayed prominently in my garage above the work bench. I find it inspirational. I’m the honey badger and this 66 BMW coupe is the lion attempting to eat me.
The Way forward
So, here at the end of April I sit in my garage with a freshly lit cigar as I rest my feet on the work stool pondering as I look at my Honey badger image. Taking a break for a few weeks has been a good thing. Good news about the old back. I have found a good place for physical therapy and things are kind of healing up on their own. Tell ya one thing, this whole thing has made me improve my diet to get away from foods that cause inflammation (all the fun stuff to eat). Nothing like pain as a motivator. I guess I’ve gotten off my pity pot. I realize I don’t have to, and probably should not push as hard as I have been.
Remember From Whence You Came
It has been a remarkable 14 month. From January to July 2017 I completely disassembled the car, documented and photographed everything. Then I carefully stored everything in boxes neatly labeled. In August I finally sorted out the rotisserie. The past 6 months have been dedicated to rebuilding the backbone of the car, the rockers along with repairing the rear quarters and front fenders rust and dents.
Where we are now....
My new plan is to finish the initial plastic skimming on the charismatic public facing metal panels on the car such as the rear quarters, fenders and roof. Then primer. This will create a sense of overt accomplishment as well seal a lot of bare metal with the protective 2 stage epoxy primer. I will have to come along later and give it teeth by sanding before I apply a later coat or the high build.
Next I plan is to replace the floors and the trunk floor. With that done I can media blast the remainder of the bottom and apply POR15 followed by a rubberized under coating followed by a base and clear.
Finally I can tackle the engine bay and the cockpit with epoxy primer, base and clear.
This will leave the final step of prepping the doors, trunk lid, hood and exterior body for the exhaustive high build primer and block sanding. I will seal off the already painted areas.